How to beat holiday stress.

How To Beat Holiday Stress: From Al Bernstein

Get over the Martha Stewart complex: Let's get this straight there's no such thing as Martha Stewart. She's a mythical creature who symbolizes the fact that someone else's  holiday will always be more stylish than yours. Comfort and joy is also good. Just realize that's not your responsibility to make this the greatest holiday season ever.

Don't Overplan: The best way to spoil a holiday is to try to pack too much fun into too little time. Holiday fun usually requires an enormous amount of prep and clean up time by someone who wants to enjoy everybody enjoying it all, but is usually too busy to spend time with anybody. (And often too crabby to spend time with.) Don't let this be you. Figure on everything taking three times as long as you think it should. And schedule accordingly. While we're on the subject, schedule time in which nothing is scheduled. Often the best part of the holiday season is just sitting around with people you care about.

Let Everybody Have a Part in Getting Things Ready: Let family members and coworkers organize things even if they can't do it as well as you would. Nobody ever does things as well as you do anyway. Why should the holiday season be any different?

Accept the Fact that Somebody will Always Mess Up: Nobody's perfect. Be charitable about the faults of relatives, friends and coworkers. Resentment can spoil the happiest holiday. Be charitable about your own faults too if you have any.

Take Care of Yourself: Don't forget to eat regular food and sleep regular hours.

Don't Be a Holiday Martyr: Ask for help if you need it. Don't expect people to read your mind. Saying no if you are overloaded is just as appropriate over the holidays as it is during the rest of the year. There may be holiday miracles, but I guarantee that your friends, family and coworkers finally realizing what you want and giving it to you without your asking won't be one of them.

Give People What You Can Afford: Remember it is the thought that counts. Make a budget and stick with it. Gifts are unwrapped and forgotten; debts last all year. What most people close to you really want is some of your time all to themselves. You don't even have to wrap that.

Accept Gifts Graciously: When people give you something, give them the pleasure of seeming surprise and enjoyment in your face no matter what you actually feel. If you are ambivalent for any reason, write a letter to Martha Stewart. Undoubtedly, she will know what to do.

If you drink, don't think you have to express everything that's on your mind.
Do something for people you don't know: The greatest holiday gift is realization that we're all on this together. Get it by giving of yourself.

Remember the spiritual part: Whatever your tradition, there is something in it to replenish your soul. Open your heart to it.

How to deal with an angry person

Dr. W's comment 1. This article is directed toward a work place situation.. the sort of person who always seems to be angry and often uses their anger as a way of emotionally manipulating and bullying others. Remember that you cannot change another person. You can however change yourself, perhaps by learning and practicing new skills, that can give you a better control over the situation. Dr. W.

We all know one of them-- a person who is always angry or upset.   So how can you deal with them (From Al Bernstein).

Ask for time    Instincts are quick and dirty. All you may have to do to disrupt them is slow down. If someone is attacking you, say: Please give me a minute to think about this.  The angry person will not get angrier at you for seeming to take what he says seriously. Delay may also subtly encourage him to do a little thinking of his own, which clearly couldn’t hurt.  

Know your goal   The most important thing to think about in the few seconds you’ve bought for yourself is what you want to happen.  Remember, you can achieve only one goal.  It is impossible to simultaneously calm someone down, get him back, and convince him that the whole thing is not really your fault.  If you send mixed messages, only the most aggressive will register, so choose carefully.   In most cases, the goal you want to achieve is calming the other person down enough to have a rational discussion.  Which leads to . . .

1. Never try to reason with a person who is yelling   Yelling and thinking cannot occur at the same time.  If an angry person is yelling, you need to get him or her to stop before you can go any further.  Getting people to stop yelling is actually easier than you might think.  Simply waiting, or keeping your own voice soft may do the trick.
2. Never, ever explain! !  (While the other person is still irrational)  Explanations are usually a disguised form of fighting back or running away.  The typical explanation boils down to either a play for dominance: If you know all the facts, you will see that I am right and you are wrong or a blatant attempt to run away: It wasn’t my fault, you should be mad at somebody else.  This may not be what you mean, but it doesn’t matter.  Whether you recognize the provocative aspect of your explanations or not, an angry person certainly will.
3. Ask, “What would you like me to do?”   This simple, unexpected question is the most useful tool you will ever find for dealing with anger.  There are three distinct reasons why this is so.

1.      First, to answer this question, the angry person will have to stop and think, which is precisely what you want him to do.  When he does, he may realize that all he really wants is an argument that he can win with bluff and bluster.  If you shift the focus of the discussion to what needs to be done to solve the problem rather than whose fault it was in the first place, there is much less to argue about.

2.      The second reason is more subtle.  In any argument, the person who asks questions has the upper hand.  If you ask and the angry person answers, you have control of the conversation.

3.      The third reason is even more subtle and devious.  It is the way to win. Your instincts tell you that the way to beat an angry person is to knock him down and kick him.  This does not play well in a business setting.   At work, the person who stays coolest is usually perceived as the winner of an argument.   If you keep your head while the angry person is acting upset, he will kick himself, so you won’t have to.

Dr. W's comment 2. If you have to live with this person, there are other tactics that will be helpful as well. Learning to manage your own anger and communication is fundamental to creating a healthier situation for yourself and your family.

Dr. W's comment 3. If you have done something wrong, the other person may be entirely justified in their anger toward you. That does not mean that they have the right to treat you with disrespect, but defending yourself will just make the situation worse. Admit it to yourself that you made a mistake and promote a rational discussion toward correcting the situation.

The 90/10 Principle

                                         The 90/10 Principle
    
Author: Stephen Covey

Discover the 90/10 Principle. It will change your life (at least the way you react to situations).

10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react. What does this mean? We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us. Sure, we can do the regular maintenance but we cannot completely stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90%.

How? By your reaction. You cannot control a red light.,. but you can control your reaction. Don't let people fool you; YOU CAN CONTROL HOW YOU REACT.

Let's use an example. You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just what happened. What happens when the next will be determined by how you react. You curse. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus.

Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit. After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home, When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.

Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning. Why did you have a bad day?

A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?

The answer is D. You had no control over what happened with the coffee. No matter how upset you become, you cannot put the coffee back in the cup. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.

Here is what could have and should have happened. Coffee splashes over you. (Perhaps your instinctual response is to become upset.. yet…you now have learned to recognize the cues that tell you your inner animal brain is trying to take over your mind.) Your daughter is about to cry. (You take a deep calming breath)  You gently say, "It's ok honey, you just need to be more careful next time". Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns, smiles, and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good a day you are having. The boss has a special assignment that could lead to a promotion…who might s/he select? You get home at the end of the work day and your wife and daughter are happy to see you.

Notice the difference? Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different. Why? Because of how you REACTED. You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was determined by your reaction.

Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle.

If someone says something negative about you, don't be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don't have to let the negative comment affect you! React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, alienating a loved one, being fired, getting stressed out etc.

How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your temper? Pound on the steering wheel? (A friend of mine had the steering wheel fall off) Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them? WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why let the cars ruin your drive? Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it.

You are told you lost your job. Sure it is a concern, but the more you make yourself upset, the more you lose sleep and get irritated, the worse the impact on you and your family? Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job. It will work out.

The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take out your frustration on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on. Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger. Why get stressed out? It will just make things worse.

Know the 90-10 principle. Apply it and you will be amazed at the results. You will lose nothing if you try it. When you do try, you will gain influence over your future.

The 90-10 principle is incredible, yet very few know and apply this principle. The result? Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and heartache. There never seem to be a success in life. Bad days follow bad days. Terrible things seem to be constantly happening. There is constant stress, lack of joy, and broken relationships. Worry consumes time. Anger breaks friendships and life seems dreary and is not enjoyed to the fullest. Friends are lost. Life is a bore and often seems cruel. Does this describe you? If so, do not be discouraged

You can be different! Understand and apply the 90/10 principle. It will change your life.

The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog while visiting his counsellor for anger management in Collingwood, Ontario. The counsellor, Wayne Coghlan, did the best anger management and marriage counselling in Collingwood. Not only was he the best counsellor in Collingwood, but also the best at counselling in Collingwood. The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog while visiting his counsellor for anger management in Collingwood, Ontario. The counsellor, Wayne Coghlan, did the best anger management and marriage counselling in Collingwood. Not only was he the best counsellor in Collingwood, but also the best at counselling in Collingwood.  The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog while visiting his counsellor for anger management in Collingwood, Ontario. The counsellor, Wayne Coghlan, did the best anger management and marriage counselling in Collingwood. Not only was he the best counsellor in Collingwood, but also the best at counselling in Collingwood. The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog while visiting his counsellor for anger management in Collingwood, Ontario. The counsellor, Wayne Coghlan, did the best anger management and marriage counselling in Collingwood. Not only was he the best counsellor in Collingwood, but also the best at counselling in Collingwood. The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog while visiting his counsellor for anger management in Collingwood, Ontario. The counsellor, Wayne Coghlan, did the best anger management and marriage counselling in Collingwood. Not only was he the best counsellor in Collingwood, but also the best at counselling in Collingwood. The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog while visiting his counsellor for anger management in Collingwood, Ontario. The counsellor, Wayne Coghlan, did the best anger management and marriage counselling in Collingwood. Not only was he the best counsellor in Collingwood, but also the best at counselling in Collingwood. The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog while visiting his counsellor for anger management in Collingwood, Ontario. The counsellor, Wayne Coghlan, did the best anger management and marriage counselling in Collingwood. Not only was he the best counsellor in Collingwood, but also the best at counselling in Collingwood.

Beat Gluttony with Gullibility

Beat Gluttony with Gullibility

Eating-behavior expert Brian Wansink​ offers tips on fooling yourself into eating less. Katherine Harmon reports

Our eyes are bigger than our stomachs. And visual perception plays a big fat role in eating—often without our realizing it. So says Brian Wansink, a professor of consumer behavior and nutritional science at Cornell. His research has shown that people eat more when their food is served on larger dishes. Because lots of folks use an empty plate—rather than a full stomach—as a cue to put down their fork. Wansink reviewed his findings last week at the American Psychological Association meeting in Washington.

In one experiment, he had unsuspecting subjects eat soup from bowls that continually refilled from the bottom. And volunteers who unknowingly ate from these bowls consumed on average 73 percent more soup than those who had had a finite supply. But both groups thought they had eaten about the same amount.

Wansink’s advice is to use such propensities in our favor. Just serving meals on smaller plates can trick us into cutting calories. Because it's way easier to stop after finishing a half-sized bowl of ice cream than it is to eat only half of a full-sized bowl.
—Katherine Harmon 

http://www.scientificamerican.com/podcast/episode.cfm?id=beat-gluttony-with-gullibility-11-08-09&WT.mc_id=SA_CAT_MB_20110810 | August 9, 2011 |