Wayne Coghlan, B.Sc., M.A., D.C. M.A. in Counselling Psychology. Anger Management Collingwood. Anger management, Family and Marital Counselling, Stress Management, Personal psychology and counselling, Counseling, Counselling Collingwood, Men's issues As also a Doctor of Chiropractic I have a special appreciation of the mind-body connection.
Why did I go into counselling and why might you benefit from it?
My Story:
Through my interaction with patients and providing relief for physical conditions, it became apparent to me that at least 2/3 of the problems I was treating originated or were strongly aggravated by emotional issues. The other 2/3 were physical/mechanical in nature .... that extra 1/3 being the overlap between the two.
Now if you were to see me for a pain in your neck or back, I usually get good result in treating you in my office. Yet my goal is to go beyond treating you for your immediate pain, and if we can determine the underlying cause of your problem.
For example, if your headaches were caused by chronic tension in your neck muscles.... because when you sit at a computer you are slumping or otherwise trying to fit yourself into a poorly setup computer station ... then instead of chasing the problem ....by identifying and correcting it ... we can more likely get ahead of the problem and prevent its impact on your health and well being.
For many people the emotional issues are apparent in their posture, their expression and countenance, how they talk, and ... when I put my hands on their back there is a different feel to the muscles that tells me this person is dealing with to no small extent is some emotional problem.
As with a mechanical cause of a patient's problem, it seems to me that if a patient's problem, for example that headache from chronic muscle tension, is at least in part caused by emotional issues, then identifying the cause gives us a better opportunity to manage cause and its impact on your health and well being.
Many times, I would share my impression with the patient. Patients would often open up to me and share a bit of their story, and where appropriate, i might share my insight. I recognized I was not a professional counsellor and was always cautious to not cross professional boundaries, and often would refer the patient to professional, yet many patients expressed their gratitude that the interaction and insight I could share, was beneficial.
As a side point, many times a patient's emotional pattern get enmeshed with the physical pain pattern, and as many body workers such as chiropractors and massage therapists will attest to, once you relieve the physical pattern, it often frees up the emotional blockage and many patients cannot help but share their story.
In going through my own life's journey, in particular seeking better understanding of the challenges ... and is it not in the difficult times that we are open to the most important lessons .... in particular going through a painful divorce and seeking understanding of what my part of it was, what could I have done differently.. more could DO differently in the future .. I read voraciously .. and found many more insights that I could share with others.
As a health professional I appreciate that it is a privilege to assist a patient toward their goals and it is personally gratifying to know that I have been able to offer a constructive influence.
Recognizing that I had an aptitude toward counselling, I appreciated that I would do well to gain the credentials necessary to serve on a more professional basis. I accordingly completed my Master's in Counselling Psychology in 2011.
I found it gratifying that of the many of the concepts discussed through the Master's program I had already developed similar ideas on in my own. I was also humbled to learn that there was... much more to learn. And that is part of the joy of any new endeavour....there is always something new to learn.
Why counselling for you?
For most people, we can change the tires on the car or do a simple oil change. However, for most people overhauling an engine or rebuilding a transmission if far to complex a job to tackle without special training and insight.
Well...most people can handle the day to day stresses and questions of life. Yet life and relationships are inherently more complex and absurd than even the most highly engineered car. And it is not that uncommon that what we expect from life is so different that what we get, and we find ourselves not even knowing the questions let alone what the answers could be. As with the complexities of a transmission, sometimes it's helpful to see a person with special training and insight.
If this describes you, please read on.
What does a Counsellor do?
- Careful listening is the largest part of what all counsellors do.
- They make sure clients have defined the problem areas in their own terms and help them define what they wish to do next.
- Some will then be more active, offering suggestions for further ways of investigating or beginning to resolve the problems; others are less interventive and let the work proceed more at the client's pace.
What kinds of problems can I talk to a counsellor about?
- There are no hard and fast rules. If something is troubling you it can be worth spending some time thinking about why this may be happening. There are however a number of issues that frequently come up, for example:
jealousy, abuse
- Family issues. Partners, children, parenting, separation and divorce,
homesickness
- Lack of confidence. Worried about failing, never being good enough,
feeling judged
- Depression. Feeling isolated, lonely, empty, tearful, unloved, suicidal.
- Repeated destructive behaviour. Binge eating, harming yourself,
abusive relationships, alcohol, drugs
- Stress.
- Feeling out of control, panic attacks, feelings of inadequacy
- Bereavement. Loss, anger, loneliness, sadness & depression
- Anger management.
- Life skills
- Marriage and relationship skills
- The counsellor can also direct you to other services that may be useful to you.
What do I say?
- It doesn't really matter how you present your problem.
- You can say whatever you like.
- Sometimes there is silence; sometimes you might find yourself saying things you had not expected to say.
- The counsellor will help you explore the matter with you to help you come to your own better understanding.
Will the counsellor give me advice?
- Counsellors don't ever give advice of the "I'd leave your job if I was you" variety since the purpose of counselling is to help you make your own decision.
- They will never make a moral decision about the course of action you ought to take. The goal is to help you understand your own thoughts, behaviours, and values.
- They may sum up what they understand you have been saying so far in order to help you move on and form a plan of action.
- They can offer pointers to how others have successfully dealt with common problems and may also make suggestions of the "have you thought of the following" variety.
- These suggestions will be drawn from their training in what is helpful and their experience of what has helped others and of course can be rejected if you feel they are unhelpful.
Do I have to pay?
- Fees for service at may office are $70 per session. A session is approximately one hour.
What will the counsellor think of me - will they think badly of me for getting into a mess?
- Many of our problems arise just because we are human. Life is complex and there are few who do not stumble or struggle.
- For my own perspective, I take it as a sign of strength and maturity that a person will reach out for help.
- We all make mistakes and have to learn from them, and it is normal to need several goes before we get something right.
- Counselling is based in the belief that most people naturally strive to make the best use of themselves.
- When something goes wrong, it is usually because we are pushing ourselves too hard; because we are in a muddle for reasons we don't fully understand or because we are actually are suffering some form of mental distress which is distorting our view of reality.
- Therefore judging clients is not helpful or relevant; they need to be supported in finding their own way out of the problem.
How can it be right to be in need of help?
- Most people can handle changing a tire or the oil in the car. However engines and transmissions are complex and if they malfunction, it requires special knowledge to make them work. Life and relationship are inherently more complex than any transmission and from time time, people need some help to sort out the complexities, if not absurdities, of trying to make sense of it all. Seeking help means we recognize our own limitations and it is healthy to reach out for assistance.
Does asking for counselling mean admitting failure?
- Paradoxically it can be seen as a matter of strength to ask for counselling.
- Many people think that they are being strong in not seeking help whereas in fact those who can admit to their difficulties could be considered the strong ones.
- Asking for counselling often mean you have taken the first difficult step on the road to resolving the problem.
- The most successful people often seek advice from the experts in their fields. How well does it work when you try to push your own car, by yourself, out of a snow drift?
- A story... a young boy was digging in the yard to build a fort when he hit a large rock. His father watched him from the window as the boy pushed and heaved all to now success. Eventually the father went to the boy and asked how he was doing. The boy, near tears, said " Dad, I've used all my strength to move this rock and I just can't do it." The father said, "No, you haven't used all your strength... you haven't asked me."
What if I still feel ashamed of my problems?
- Counsellors do accept that it is natural to want to appear successful and that most of us feel some shame when we have problems and so don't want to advertise our difficulties.
- This is one of the reasons we place a great emphasis on confidentiality.
How confidential is counselling?
- Counsellors work to a strict Code of Ethics which means they must inform you of the limits of confidentiality and then stick to these rules.
What are the limits of confidentiality?
- This varies from service to service but normally everything you say is kept confidential to the counselling service unless there is clear evidence someone may be at a severe risk. This includes imminent risk of harming yourself; harming another person; or a child or dependent adult is being subject to abuse or neglect.
- Where ordered by a Court of Law a counsellor may be obligated to make disclosure.
- Counsellors may seek disclosure with your consent in order to work with other professionals on your behalf.
- Counsellors may confer with other counsellors to gain insight in management of your case. In such discussion, counsellors are duty bound to protect your confidentiality, your identity, privacy and dignity.
- This will be discussed with you before beginning counselling.
Should I be worried about the limits of confidentiality?
- Generally clients of counselling services find the level of confidentiality more than adequate.
- Often the worry about disclosure lessens when the client has had a chance to discuss the problem. When the counsellor speaks to others, it is usually because the client wishes them to know; disclosures made against the clients wishes are extremely rare.
- However, if you are worried about the implications of any breach of confidentiality you may wish to:
Code of Ethics may apply to your particular situation.
- As you are connecting with this site, you do have access to the
internet. You may be able to search for anonymous help through a
telephone line.
- 211 Ontario may also direct you to the appropriate services.
Where can I get further information?
- You can consult the Canadian Counselling and Psychotherapy Association web site for their perspective on FAQs and a detailed document on counselling ethics.
Does counselling work for everybody?
- No, but it seems to offer at least some help to the majority so is worth a try.
- Your counsellor will check out with you to see if talking is helpful - and if not will help you look for something else.
- A study on the effectiveness of counselling determined
that the most important factor was the client being able to acknowledge
his/her issues and willingness to make changes in how they think and
interact with their world. Effective counseling is a two way street. It
takes a cooperative effort by both the person receiving counselling
and the counsellor. And it takes a commitment to make sometimes difficult changes in behavior or thinking patterns.
The second most important factor was being able to establish a
therapeutic relationship (rapport) between the client and counsellor. It
is important that you and your counsellor establish a good
relationship that allows you to be completely honest about your thoughts
and feelings. The third factor was the counsellor's skills.
While you are responsible for making changes in your life, an effective counsellor can help pinpoint the obstacles in your way. If you have control over these obstacles, a counsellor can suggest behavioral changes to help you overcome them. If these obstacles involve factors outside of your control, your counsellor can teach you coping mechanisms that will foster your well being in trying circumstances.
An effective counselor can identify negative thinking patterns that may be feeding feelings of sadness, depression or anxiety. By encouraging you to build upon personal strengths and suggesting skills that can overcome self-inflicted feelings of hopelessness, a counsellor can help you develop a more positive attitude.
A good counsellor can assist you in making positive changes in your relationships with others, helping you recognize behaviors that may be contributing to a troublesome relationship. Your counsellor can teach you effective ways of communicating, clearing the way for honest exchanges with people in your life who may be causing you emotional pain.
You can determine whether your work with your counsellor is effective if you begin to obtain insights about your own thoughts and behaviors that may have eluded you before. Over time, you should be able to recognize patterns in the way you act, trace their sources and identify stumbling blocks to your happiness that you may have unwittingly created. The end result is personal growth that empowers you to control your life and enjoy positive, life-affirming relationships with others.
What if I definitely want a male or female counsellor?
- This is part of establishing a rapport with your counsellor. However, it may be beneficial to consult with counsellor of the opposite gender as s/he may be able to offer a new perspective.
Will the counsellor have experienced problems like mine?
- Very possibly.
- Having problems is part of being human. Many counsellors come into the work because of their experience of successfully resolving personal problems through therapy.
- All will have had their own experience of being a client.
- Therefore although the counsellor may not have experienced the particular problem which you bring, they will all have had experience of being in distress and of seeking counselling help from another.
- Although the counsellor may not have had the same experience, s/he will have empathy for yours.
Wouldn't I be better to try and sort it out for myself?
- Of course there are ways you can help yourself apart from counselling - counselling is just one of the answers.
- Many problems can be sorted for yourself - however it doesn't need to be an either/or situation.
- Counselling is a resource for when you need extra help.
What about talking to my friends or relative?
- Many of the reasons that make counselling effective also apply to talking with friends and relatives. Therefore a talk with a friend may well be helpful and counsellors often encourage clients to use their social support network. However there are some drawback to using personal connections as your only confidants and support.
- Friends and family might feel a conflict of loyalty and find it hard to keep things confidential
- Friends and family might become upset themselves by what you are telling them
- Friends and family might be put out if you don't accept their advice
- If you need lots of help friends and relatives might begin to feel resentful and you might feel guilty. Counsellors have had training and have formal support and a work structure which helps them to deal with upsetting and difficult situations; friends and relatives may begin to feel overburdened, especially if they have their own problems too.
- Finally, sometimes we need slightly more specialist help than friends and relatives can provide.
- If you do choose to confide in your personal connections, do be wary that they have mature insight into life's complexities, do not have their own "axe to grind" through you, and will respect your privacy and dignity.
Some people have suggested I just have a stiff drink and pull myself together.
- Alcohol is very useful for enhancing a positive mood or a pleasant occasion.
- One of the beneficial effects of alcohol is the half hour or so to sit and be still and relax and ponder your options while you enjoy your drink.
- Sometimes a drink might seem to revive flagging spirits and help you relax but alcohol doesn't really help solve significant problems. It can even worsen the situation because of its tendency to cause depression and other problems if you drink too much.
Does seeing a counsellor mean I am ill?
- No, seeing a counsellor doesn't mean you are ill.
- However, where there are some symptoms of an illness - depression, anxiety etc. - counselling can be helpful.
- Counsellors will not treat you as a sick person, but rather as someone going through a bad time.
Is counselling like psychiatry?
- Counselling bears little relation to psychiatry except that both deal with emotional and mental processes.
- Psychiatrist are trained medical doctors, who work largely through diagnosis of illness and then by prescribing a treatment - usually involving medication.
- Counsellors are normally non-medical personnel who work by talking and encouraging you to find your own solutions, often by changing how you think about things, or helping you learn new skills.
- Counsellors can however recognize the symptoms of severe mental distress, and may suggest you consider medical help if this is appropriate.
