Anger Management Course

http://www.google.ca/search?q=anger+management+collingwood&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a

Anger Management 101

 ·        

A psychological -educational approach to anger management

• ·         Offered in a group counselling format.
• ·         Each weekly session is two hours.
• ·         Twelve weeks.
• ·         Wednesday evenings, 7:00 – 9:00.

Topics covered include:

• ·         What is anger – how to make it useful – how to avoid toxic anger?
• ·         Developing self control over your thoughts and actions.
• ·         Alternatives to passive and aggressive anger.
• ·         Communication and conflict resolution skills.
• ·         How to get along better with yourself and others.

Why you should attend:

• ·         Your inability to manage your anger has created conflict in your significant relationships, employment, your community, your success in life.
• ·         You seek skills to better cope with other people’s anger.
• ·         You are tired of being angry and bitter and fighting with the world.
• ·         You seek life-skills to promote success in your relationships and employment.

Presented by;

• Wayne Coghlan, B.Sc., M.A., D.C. drwaynecoghlan@gmail.com, 705 445-5401.

Fees:

• ·         $20 for the workbook.
• ·         $15 per session X 12 weeks = $180.

Location: 

• New Life Church, 28 Tracey Lane, Collingwood, Ontario, L9Y 3Z4.

            (Located off highway 124 just south of Collingwood – across from the bowling alley.)

 Introductory session:

• Wednesday, January 25, 2012 at 7:00 PM.

Further information:

• Contact Dr. Wayne Coghlan , drwaynecoghlan@gmail.com ,  705 445-5401

For the annoyingly cheerful.. there is hope!

FDA just announces approval of drug for the chronically cheerful. Finally, there is hope.

Excessively cheerful - there is help

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jd4tugPM83c

Desiderata

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. 

Strive to be happy.

Max Ehrmann, Desiderata

The Awakening

This is a good companion piece to Desiderata...

The Awakening
By Sonny Carroll

There comes a time in your life when you finally get it ...

When in the midst of all your fears and insanity you stop dead in your tracks and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out "ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying or struggling to hold on." And, like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world from a new perspective.
This is your awakening.

You realize that it is time to stop hoping and waiting for something, or someone, to change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. You come to terms with the fact that there aren't always fairytale endings (or beginnings for that matter) and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you. Then a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

So you begin making your way through the "reality of today" rather than holding out for the "promise of tomorrow." You realize that much of who you are, and the way you navigate through life is, in great part, a result of all the social conditioning you've received over the course of a lifetime.

And you begin to sift through all the nonsense you were taught about:- how you should look and how much you should weigh,
- what you should wear and where you should shop,
- where you should live or what type of car your should drive,
- who you should sleep with and how you should behave,
- who you should marry and why you should stay,
- the importance of bearing children or what you owe your family,

Slowly you begin to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin re-assessing and re-defining who you are and what you really believe in. And you begin to discard the doctrines you have outgrown, or should never have practiced to begin with.

You accept the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will love, appreciate or approve of who or what you are... and that's OK... they are entitled to their own views and opinions. And, you come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a "perfect 10".... Or a perfect human being for that matter... and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head or agonizing over how you compare. And, you take a long look at yourself in the mirror and you make a promise to give yourself the same unconditional love and support you give so freely to others.
Then a sense of confidence is born of self-approval.

And, you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" hungry for your next fix, a new dress, another pair of shoes or looks of approval and admiration from family, friends or even strangers who pass by. Then you discover that "it is truly in giving that we receive [1] and that the joy and abundance you seek grows out of the giving. And you recognize the importance of "creating" & "contributing" rather than "obtaining" & "accumulating."

And you give thanks for the simple things you've been blessed with, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about - a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, the freedom of choice and the opportunity to pursue your own dreams.

And you begin to love and to care for yourself. You stop engaging in self-destructive behaviors, including participating in dysfunctional relationships. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and exercising. And because you've learned that fatigue drains the spirit and creates doubt and fear, you give yourself permission to rest. And just as food is fuel for the body, laughter is fuel for the spirit and so you make it a point to create time for play.

Then you learn about love and relationships - how to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving and when to walk away. And you allow only the hands of a lover who truly loves and respects you to glorify you with his touch. You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say, intentionally or unintentionally, and that not everyone will always come through and interestingly enough, it's not always about you. So, you stop lashing out and pointing fingers or looking to place blame for the things that were done to you or weren't done for you. And you learn to keep your Ego in check and to acknowledge and redirect the destructive emotions it spawns; anger, jealousy and resentment.

You learn how to say I was wrong and to forgive people for their own human frailties. You learn to build bridges instead of walls and about the healing power of love as it is expressed through a kind word, a warm smile or a friendly gesture. And, at the same time, you eliminate any relationships that are hurtful or fail to uplift and edify you. You stop working so hard at smoothing things over and setting your needs aside. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK and that it is your right to want or expect certain things. And you learn the importance of communicating your needs with confidence and grace. You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that eventually martyrs are burned at the stake. Then you learn to distinguish between guilt, and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to Say NO. You learn that you don't know all the answers, it's not your job to save the world and that sometimes you just need to Let Go.

Moreover, you learn to look at people as they really are and not as you would want them to be and you are careful not to project your neediness or insecurities onto a relationship. You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man on your arm or the child that bears your name. You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and relationships and that that not everyone can always love you the way you would want them to. So you stop appraising your worth by the measure of love you are given. And suddenly you realize that it's wrong to demand that someone live their life or sacrifice their dreams just to serve your needs, ease your insecurities, or meet "your" standards and expectations. You learn that the only love worth giving and receiving is the love that is given freely without conditions or limitations. And you learn what it means to love. So you stop trying to control people, situations and outcomes. You learn that "alone" does not mean "lonely" and you begin to discover the joy of spending time "with yourself" and "on yourself." Then you discover the greatest and most fulfilling love you will ever know. Self Love. And so it comes to pass that, through understanding, your heart heals; and now all new things are possible.

Moving along, you begin to avoid Toxic people and conversations. And you stop wasting time and energy rehashing your situation with family and friends. You learn that talk doesn't change things and that unrequited wishes can only serve to keep you trapped in the past. So you stop lamenting over what could or should have been and you make a decision to leave the past behind. Then you begin to invest your time and energy to affect positive change. You take a personal inventory of all your strengths and weaknesses and the areas you need to improve in order to move ahead, you set your goals and map out a plan of action to see things through.

You learn that life isn't always fair and you don't always get what you think you deserve and you stop personalizing every loss or disappointment. You learn to accept that sometimes bad things happen to good people and that these things are not an act of God... but merely a random act of fate.
And you stop looking for guarantees, because you've learned that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected and that whatever happens, you'll learn to deal with it. And you learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time - FEAR itself. So you learn to step right into and through your fears, because to give into fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. You learn that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophesy and you learn to go after what you want and not to squander your life living under a cloud of indecision or feelings of impending doom.

Then, YOU LEARN ABOUT MONEY... the personal power and independence it brings and the options it creates. And you recognize the necessity to create your own personal wealth. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire. And a sense of power is born of self-reliance. And you live with honor and integrity because you know that these principles are not the outdated ideals of a by-gone era but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build your life. And you make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting and to stay open to every wonderful opportunity and exciting possibility. Then you hang a wind chime outside your window to remind yourself what beauty there is in Simplicity.

Finally, with courage in your heart and with God by your side you take a stand, you FAKE a deep breath and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

A word about the Power of Prayer:
In some of my darkest, most painful and frightening hours, I have prayed, not for the answers to my prayers or for material things, but for my "God" to help me find the strength, confidence and courage to persevere; to face each day and to do what I must do.

Remember this:-
You are an expression of the almighty.
The spirit of God resides within you and moves through you.
Open your heart, speak to that spirit and it will heal and empower you.
My "God" has never failed me.

Copyright © 2001 Sonny Carroll. All Rights Reserved

Comments: 

I see no reason to  FAKE a deep breath... but if that is where you need to start... it's a start.

You learn about money... What I have learned is that money does not buy happiness, but it does provide a good down payment.  A lack of money can certainly breed challenges. Yet in learning about money, learn that if the worst of your problems is a lack of money, life could be a whole lot worse.

Love people... use things.

There is no wrong in doing right.

Trust must be earned, as should friendship.

Create a great day... it is up to you.

Dr. W.

How to beat holiday stress.

How To Beat Holiday Stress: From Al Bernstein

Get over the Martha Stewart complex: Let's get this straight there's no such thing as Martha Stewart. She's a mythical creature who symbolizes the fact that someone else's  holiday will always be more stylish than yours. Comfort and joy is also good. Just realize that's not your responsibility to make this the greatest holiday season ever.

Don't Overplan: The best way to spoil a holiday is to try to pack too much fun into too little time. Holiday fun usually requires an enormous amount of prep and clean up time by someone who wants to enjoy everybody enjoying it all, but is usually too busy to spend time with anybody. (And often too crabby to spend time with.) Don't let this be you. Figure on everything taking three times as long as you think it should. And schedule accordingly. While we're on the subject, schedule time in which nothing is scheduled. Often the best part of the holiday season is just sitting around with people you care about.

Let Everybody Have a Part in Getting Things Ready: Let family members and coworkers organize things even if they can't do it as well as you would. Nobody ever does things as well as you do anyway. Why should the holiday season be any different?

Accept the Fact that Somebody will Always Mess Up: Nobody's perfect. Be charitable about the faults of relatives, friends and coworkers. Resentment can spoil the happiest holiday. Be charitable about your own faults too if you have any.

Take Care of Yourself: Don't forget to eat regular food and sleep regular hours.

Don't Be a Holiday Martyr: Ask for help if you need it. Don't expect people to read your mind. Saying no if you are overloaded is just as appropriate over the holidays as it is during the rest of the year. There may be holiday miracles, but I guarantee that your friends, family and coworkers finally realizing what you want and giving it to you without your asking won't be one of them.

Give People What You Can Afford: Remember it is the thought that counts. Make a budget and stick with it. Gifts are unwrapped and forgotten; debts last all year. What most people close to you really want is some of your time all to themselves. You don't even have to wrap that.

Accept Gifts Graciously: When people give you something, give them the pleasure of seeming surprise and enjoyment in your face no matter what you actually feel. If you are ambivalent for any reason, write a letter to Martha Stewart. Undoubtedly, she will know what to do.

If you drink, don't think you have to express everything that's on your mind.
Do something for people you don't know: The greatest holiday gift is realization that we're all on this together. Get it by giving of yourself.

Remember the spiritual part: Whatever your tradition, there is something in it to replenish your soul. Open your heart to it.

How to deal with an angry person

Dr. W's comment 1. This article is directed toward a work place situation.. the sort of person who always seems to be angry and often uses their anger as a way of emotionally manipulating and bullying others. Remember that you cannot change another person. You can however change yourself, perhaps by learning and practicing new skills, that can give you a better control over the situation. Dr. W.

We all know one of them-- a person who is always angry or upset.   So how can you deal with them (From Al Bernstein).

Ask for time    Instincts are quick and dirty. All you may have to do to disrupt them is slow down. If someone is attacking you, say: Please give me a minute to think about this.  The angry person will not get angrier at you for seeming to take what he says seriously. Delay may also subtly encourage him to do a little thinking of his own, which clearly couldn’t hurt.  

Know your goal   The most important thing to think about in the few seconds you’ve bought for yourself is what you want to happen.  Remember, you can achieve only one goal.  It is impossible to simultaneously calm someone down, get him back, and convince him that the whole thing is not really your fault.  If you send mixed messages, only the most aggressive will register, so choose carefully.   In most cases, the goal you want to achieve is calming the other person down enough to have a rational discussion.  Which leads to . . .

1. Never try to reason with a person who is yelling   Yelling and thinking cannot occur at the same time.  If an angry person is yelling, you need to get him or her to stop before you can go any further.  Getting people to stop yelling is actually easier than you might think.  Simply waiting, or keeping your own voice soft may do the trick.
2. Never, ever explain! !  (While the other person is still irrational)  Explanations are usually a disguised form of fighting back or running away.  The typical explanation boils down to either a play for dominance: If you know all the facts, you will see that I am right and you are wrong or a blatant attempt to run away: It wasn’t my fault, you should be mad at somebody else.  This may not be what you mean, but it doesn’t matter.  Whether you recognize the provocative aspect of your explanations or not, an angry person certainly will.
3. Ask, “What would you like me to do?”   This simple, unexpected question is the most useful tool you will ever find for dealing with anger.  There are three distinct reasons why this is so.

1.      First, to answer this question, the angry person will have to stop and think, which is precisely what you want him to do.  When he does, he may realize that all he really wants is an argument that he can win with bluff and bluster.  If you shift the focus of the discussion to what needs to be done to solve the problem rather than whose fault it was in the first place, there is much less to argue about.

2.      The second reason is more subtle.  In any argument, the person who asks questions has the upper hand.  If you ask and the angry person answers, you have control of the conversation.

3.      The third reason is even more subtle and devious.  It is the way to win. Your instincts tell you that the way to beat an angry person is to knock him down and kick him.  This does not play well in a business setting.   At work, the person who stays coolest is usually perceived as the winner of an argument.   If you keep your head while the angry person is acting upset, he will kick himself, so you won’t have to.

Dr. W's comment 2. If you have to live with this person, there are other tactics that will be helpful as well. Learning to manage your own anger and communication is fundamental to creating a healthier situation for yourself and your family.

Dr. W's comment 3. If you have done something wrong, the other person may be entirely justified in their anger toward you. That does not mean that they have the right to treat you with disrespect, but defending yourself will just make the situation worse. Admit it to yourself that you made a mistake and promote a rational discussion toward correcting the situation.

The 90/10 Principle

                                         The 90/10 Principle
    
Author: Stephen Covey

Discover the 90/10 Principle. It will change your life (at least the way you react to situations).

10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react. What does this mean? We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us. Sure, we can do the regular maintenance but we cannot completely stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90%.

How? By your reaction. You cannot control a red light.,. but you can control your reaction. Don't let people fool you; YOU CAN CONTROL HOW YOU REACT.

Let's use an example. You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just what happened. What happens when the next will be determined by how you react. You curse. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus.

Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit. After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home, When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.

Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning. Why did you have a bad day?

A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?

The answer is D. You had no control over what happened with the coffee. No matter how upset you become, you cannot put the coffee back in the cup. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.

Here is what could have and should have happened. Coffee splashes over you. (Perhaps your instinctual response is to become upset.. yet…you now have learned to recognize the cues that tell you your inner animal brain is trying to take over your mind.) Your daughter is about to cry. (You take a deep calming breath)  You gently say, "It's ok honey, you just need to be more careful next time". Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns, smiles, and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good a day you are having. The boss has a special assignment that could lead to a promotion…who might s/he select? You get home at the end of the work day and your wife and daughter are happy to see you.

Notice the difference? Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different. Why? Because of how you REACTED. You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was determined by your reaction.

Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle.

If someone says something negative about you, don't be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You don't have to let the negative comment affect you! React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, alienating a loved one, being fired, getting stressed out etc.

How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic? Do you lose your temper? Pound on the steering wheel? (A friend of mine had the steering wheel fall off) Do you curse? Does your blood pressure skyrocket? Do you try and bump them? WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why let the cars ruin your drive? Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it.

You are told you lost your job. Sure it is a concern, but the more you make yourself upset, the more you lose sleep and get irritated, the worse the impact on you and your family? Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job. It will work out.

The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take out your frustration on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on. Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger. Why get stressed out? It will just make things worse.

Know the 90-10 principle. Apply it and you will be amazed at the results. You will lose nothing if you try it. When you do try, you will gain influence over your future.

The 90-10 principle is incredible, yet very few know and apply this principle. The result? Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and heartache. There never seem to be a success in life. Bad days follow bad days. Terrible things seem to be constantly happening. There is constant stress, lack of joy, and broken relationships. Worry consumes time. Anger breaks friendships and life seems dreary and is not enjoyed to the fullest. Friends are lost. Life is a bore and often seems cruel. Does this describe you? If so, do not be discouraged

You can be different! Understand and apply the 90/10 principle. It will change your life.

The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog while visiting his counsellor for anger management in Collingwood, Ontario. The counsellor, Wayne Coghlan, did the best anger management and marriage counselling in Collingwood. Not only was he the best counsellor in Collingwood, but also the best at counselling in Collingwood. The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog while visiting his counsellor for anger management in Collingwood, Ontario. The counsellor, Wayne Coghlan, did the best anger management and marriage counselling in Collingwood. Not only was he the best counsellor in Collingwood, but also the best at counselling in Collingwood.  The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog while visiting his counsellor for anger management in Collingwood, Ontario. The counsellor, Wayne Coghlan, did the best anger management and marriage counselling in Collingwood. Not only was he the best counsellor in Collingwood, but also the best at counselling in Collingwood. The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog while visiting his counsellor for anger management in Collingwood, Ontario. The counsellor, Wayne Coghlan, did the best anger management and marriage counselling in Collingwood. Not only was he the best counsellor in Collingwood, but also the best at counselling in Collingwood. The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog while visiting his counsellor for anger management in Collingwood, Ontario. The counsellor, Wayne Coghlan, did the best anger management and marriage counselling in Collingwood. Not only was he the best counsellor in Collingwood, but also the best at counselling in Collingwood. The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog while visiting his counsellor for anger management in Collingwood, Ontario. The counsellor, Wayne Coghlan, did the best anger management and marriage counselling in Collingwood. Not only was he the best counsellor in Collingwood, but also the best at counselling in Collingwood. The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog while visiting his counsellor for anger management in Collingwood, Ontario. The counsellor, Wayne Coghlan, did the best anger management and marriage counselling in Collingwood. Not only was he the best counsellor in Collingwood, but also the best at counselling in Collingwood.

Beat Gluttony with Gullibility

Beat Gluttony with Gullibility

Eating-behavior expert Brian Wansink​ offers tips on fooling yourself into eating less. Katherine Harmon reports

Our eyes are bigger than our stomachs. And visual perception plays a big fat role in eating—often without our realizing it. So says Brian Wansink, a professor of consumer behavior and nutritional science at Cornell. His research has shown that people eat more when their food is served on larger dishes. Because lots of folks use an empty plate—rather than a full stomach—as a cue to put down their fork. Wansink reviewed his findings last week at the American Psychological Association meeting in Washington.

In one experiment, he had unsuspecting subjects eat soup from bowls that continually refilled from the bottom. And volunteers who unknowingly ate from these bowls consumed on average 73 percent more soup than those who had had a finite supply. But both groups thought they had eaten about the same amount.

Wansink’s advice is to use such propensities in our favor. Just serving meals on smaller plates can trick us into cutting calories. Because it's way easier to stop after finishing a half-sized bowl of ice cream than it is to eat only half of a full-sized bowl.
—Katherine Harmon 

http://www.scientificamerican.com/podcast/episode.cfm?id=beat-gluttony-with-gullibility-11-08-09&WT.mc_id=SA_CAT_MB_20110810 | August 9, 2011 |