It's not that we see the world as it is, but as we are.

It's not that we see the world as it is, but as we are. 

A matter of perception.

The following post originates from Acts International, actsweb.org by Dick Innes. The comments are unapologetically from a Christian perspective, which I will leave to the reader to accept or filter as befits your own world view, yet the message is solid. It's about how we see the world not as it is, but as we are.

What You See Is ….  

"Why worry about a speck in your friend's eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, 'Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,' when you can't see past the log in your own eye?"¹

You may have read about the young couple who moved into a new neighborhood and, the next morning while they were eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hanging washed clothes on the clothesline. "That laundry is not very clean," she said, "she doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap."

Her husband looked on, but remained silent. However, every time her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments.

About a month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice, clean wash on the line and said to her husband: "Look, she has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her how."

The husband said, "I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows."

And so it is with life: what we see when watching others depends on the purity of the window through which we look. The reality is that we see things not the way they are, but the way we are. Furthermore, to the degree that we are in denial, we will see only what we want to see; will hear only what we want to hear; will expose ourselves only to what we want to be exposed to, and will twist what we see to make it match our distorted perception of reality. Only the truth—brutal self-honesty—will set us free from this self-deception.

1. Matthew 7:3-4 (NLT).

http://www.actsweb.org/daily.php?id=1898

Improving Family Communication

Improving Family Communication

This article is targeted at communication between a parent and child, yet can be generalized to adult interactions.

The need for open, honest and effective communication is a critical component of any relationship. If you would like to improve communication with your family (and others in your life), here are some suggestions that can make a real difference.

Be respectful. Communication involves talking and listening. When your children are talking, do you best to give them your undivided attention. “Active” listening is critical.

Tune into feelings. It can be difficult for children to talk about something that is concerning them or express their feelings. Often they don’t have the words, or they fear being vulnerable. Try to sense their feelings and put those feelings into words for them (e.g. “I can see why you feel angry about this.”) In this way you show you understand and also validate their feelings. (When you validate the feelings, you validate the person).

Create time to talk. Sometimes communication doesn’t happen unless we make time for it. Try to arrange time together, such as mealtimes, and encourage conversation among all family members.

Make eye contact. There is not better way to convey “I’m listening” than through your eye contact. Squatting to talk to small children is an effective way to relate to them and help them feel valued.

Think before speaking. When others ask for your opinion or help with a particular concern, it can help to take a few minutes to think about it, and ask them to think about it as well. When you come together again (and make sure that you do!) you share your thoughts. If you need to have a tough conversation with your child, think through what you are going to say beforehand, and anticipate questions that might arise.

Ensure verbal and non-verbal communications match. If your “verbals” (your words) say one thing but your “non-verbals” (body language, expression, tone) say something else, the listener is going to question whether you really believe, or they can trust what you are saying.

Let them finish speaking. Finishing someone’s sentences for them, or abruptly changing subjects according to your own agenda can leave your child thinking that talking to you is a waste of time.

Be approachable. If children think they’ll be judged or get a lecture every time they talk about and idea or personal experience, they will shut down. Take their concerns seriously – empathize and listen. If you do this with the small stuff, they are more likely to discuss important matters with you.

Anger Management Collingwood Wasaga Beach Simcoe County

Anger Management 101

·         A psychological -educational approach to anger management

·         Offered in a group counselling or individual counselling format.

Topics covered include: 

·         What is anger – how to make it useful – how to avoid toxic anger?

·         Developing self control over your thoughts and actions.

·         Alternatives to passive and aggressive anger.

·         Communication and conflict resolution skills.

·         How to get along better with yourself and others. 

Why you should attend:

·         Your inability to manage your anger has created conflict in your significant relationships, employment, your community, your success in life.

·         You seek skills to better cope with other people’s anger.

·         You are tired of being angry and bitter and fighting with the world.

·         You seek life-skills to promote success in your relationships and employment. 

Presented by:

Wayne Coghlan, B.Sc., M.A., D.C. drwaynecoghlan@gmail.com, 705 445-5401. 

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