Improving Family Communication
This article is targeted at
communication between a parent and child, yet can be generalized to adult
interactions.
The need
for open, honest and effective communication is a critical component of any
relationship. If you would like to improve communication with your family (and
others in your life), here are some suggestions that can make a real
difference.
Be respectful. Communication involves talking and listening. When your children are
talking, do you best to give them your undivided attention. “Active” listening
is critical.
Tune into feelings. It can be difficult for children to
talk about something that is concerning them or express their feelings. Often they
don’t have the words, or they fear being vulnerable. Try to sense their
feelings and put those feelings into words for them (e.g. “I can see why you
feel angry about this.”) In this way you show you understand and also validate
their feelings. (When you validate the
feelings, you validate the person).
Create time to talk. Sometimes communication doesn’t
happen unless we make time for it. Try to arrange time together, such as
mealtimes, and encourage conversation among all family members.
Make eye contact. There is not better way to convey
“I’m listening” than through your eye contact. Squatting to talk to small children
is an effective way to relate to them and help them feel valued.
Think before speaking. When others ask for your opinion or
help with a particular concern, it can help to take a few minutes to think
about it, and ask them to think about it as well. When you come together again (and make sure that you do!) you share
your thoughts. If you need to have a tough conversation with your child, think
through what you are going to say beforehand, and anticipate questions that
might arise.
Ensure verbal and non-verbal
communications match. If your “verbals” (your words) say one thing but your “non-verbals”
(body language, expression, tone) say something else, the listener is going to
question whether you really believe, or they can trust what you are saying.
Let them finish speaking. Finishing someone’s sentences for
them, or abruptly changing subjects according to your own agenda can leave your
child thinking that talking to you is a waste of time.
Be approachable. If children think they’ll be judged
or get a lecture every time they talk about and idea or personal experience,
they will shut down. Take their concerns seriously – empathize and listen. If
you do this with the small stuff, they are more likely to discuss important
matters with you.
