Fibromyalgia, chiropractor, collingwood, fibromyalgia, counsellor, counselor, psychologist, psychology, psychotherapy, anger, repressed anger, mind body, Coghlan, pain, aching, Anger management,

Fibromyalgia, Repressed Anger, Chiropractic Therapy  


 Please note that I wear two professional hats... counselling and chiropractor. To access the chiropractor side of things please visit http://drwaynecoghlan.blogspot.ca/

It has been my experience that the majority of patients I encounter with a diagnosis of fibromyalgia have chronic unresolved emotional issues. Usually, it is some form of unresolved anger or grief, and usually some form of persistent anxiety or apprehension. 

Now that is a bold and sweeping statement, and I appreciate that a disease as complex as fibromyalgia will have many different components to it. This is definitely not a one-size-fits-all statement. Yet the pattern persists.

And I’ve had some people become quite annoyed because I asked if they considered if unresolved issues were somehow a factor in their illness.  I expect their unwillingness to explore the question was defensive of the implication that their fibromyalgia was somehow “in their heads.” To which I sympathize. People with fibromyalgia yearn for legitimization that they do indeed have a “real” disease.  Yet an inability to even explore the question may keep people locked in their pattern of mind-body dissonance.  

It is not such a radical idea that the mind and body are intricately interlinked and that what is unresolved in one part, may negatively affect the other. There is credible research that supports, that for many people diagnosed with fibromylagia, personality types, emotional intelligence, and life circumstances play a huge role in the complex web of factors that foments this debilitating condition. A few examples are listed below.

Over my many years in chiropractic practice, I have come to appreciate that easily 2/3 of conditions I treat originate, or are strongly influenced by emotional factors. And 2/3 of the conditions I treat are more mechanical in nature. That extra 1/3 would be the overlap between the two.

I have also come to appreciate that, often, when I put my hands on a patient’s upper back, there is a different feel to the muscles when the person is dealing more with an emotional injury, than physical. More so, the degree and generality of tension throughout the upper back, neck, and shoulders.

It is not so much that anger gets locked into the body, more so that emotional and physical patterns become interlinked and chronic. When the physical pattern is relieved, often the emotional pattern is free to be expressed. I have had patients break into tears when they are finally able to relieve their angst.

Along with my Doctor of Chiropractic qualifications, I also hold a Master’s degree in Counselling Psychology. When appropriate, some empathetic questioning can help a patient understand where deeper issues are operative.

Fibromyalgia is a complex disorder where one factor triggers the next in a cyclic web pattern. We can argue if anger is the start or the result of fibromyalgia, yet it is part of the cycle. If we can intervene at any point of the cycle, we can reduce the impact.

Along with physical healing – massage and adjustment where appropriate, eating healthy, quality and quantity of rest, invigorating exercise, nurturing the spiritual self….  emotional healing can also play a significant role.

If you, or someone you care about is afflicted with fibromyalgia… please arrange a no obligation consultation and perhaps allow me to work with you.

Best regards, Dr. Wayne Coghlan

There is much information on fibromyalgia on the internet, some of it good. One has to be careful, however, to discern the useful information from what is, at best entertaining, and some that may be harmful. I usually look at the source of the information and if it is research based rather than someone’s opinion or anecdotal information. A stronger source of credible information is Google Scholar – which allows access to academic research.

Rather than restate the background information on the disease, I will refer the reader to the following sites for reference. What I do wish to address is the connection between fibromyalgia and repressed anger. Please read on…..

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/fibromyalgia/DS00079/METHOD=print&DSECTION=all  

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/fibromyalgia/DS00079

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fibromyalgia

There is a good body of knowledge that personality and emotions can play a significant role in the onset and aggravation of fibromyalgia. In particular unresolved anger can manifest in an emotional – psychological – neurochemical - physical cycle that, if it does not precipitate, can aggravate the ongoing condition.

A few examples:

“Anger towards oneself, which is anger-in, was higher in patients with fibromyalgia patients than in the rheumatoid arthritis sample. A stepwise regression model showed that the anger-out scores and the anxiety scores predicted the level of pain severity, and this explained 32% of the variance in the fibromyalgia syndrome group. Although anger-in is consistently higher in fibromyalgia patients, it is the behavioral expression of anger, together with anxiety, that predicts the severity of the pain.” Kemal Sayar, Huseyin Gulec, Murat Topbas. Alexithymia and anger in patients with fibromyalgia. Clinical Rheumatology. October 2004, Volume 23, Issue 5, pp 441-448. http://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10067-004-0918-3

“Through biological and behavioural mechanisms, patients with fibromyalgia may also show an increase of pain in response to emotions. Anger, and how it is regulated, may be particularly important in chronic pain.”…”Our study suggests that anger and a general tendency to inhibit anger predicts heightened pain in the everyday life of female patients with fibromyalgia. Psychological intervention could focus on healthy anger expression to try to mitigate the symptoms of fibromyalgia.” Henriët Van Middendorp, Mark A. Lumley, Mirjam Moerbeek, Johannes W.G. Jacobs, Johannes W.J. Bijlsma, Rinie Geenen., Effects of anger and anger regulation styles on pain in daily life of women with fibromyalgia: A diary study. European Journal of Pain Volume 14, Issue 2, pages 176–182, February 2010.  DOI: 10.1016/j.ejpain.2009.03.007

This study demonstrates increased negative emotions and decreased positive emotions, as well as increased emotional-avoidance strategies, in women with fibromyalgia. Henriët van Middendorp, Mark A. LumleyJohannes,  W.G. Jacobs, Lorenz J.P. van DoornenJohannes,  W.J. Bijlsma, Rinie Geenen., Emotions and emotional approach and avoidance strategies in fibromyalgia.,  Journal of Psychosomatic Research, Volume 64, Issue 2 , Pages 159-167, February 2008

http://www.jpsychores.com/article/S0022-3999%2807%2900328

Repeated traumatic experiences during childhood and as adults can be discovered in many cases, which helps to understand some of the difficulties met in psychotherapy with FMS patients. Modified psychotherapy techniques are recommended using pain-centered behavioral methods initially, and progressing only later to an insight orientated approach. P. Keel, Psychological and psychiatric aspects of fibromyalgia syndrome (FMS)., Zeitschrift für Rheumatologie, December 1998, Volume 57, Issue 2 Supplement, pp S97-S100

Key words: chiropractor, collingwood, fibromyalgia, counsellor, counselor, psychologist, psychology, psychotherapy, anger, repressed anger, mind body, Coghlan, pain, aching, Anger management, Anger Management Collingwood, Anger Management Collingwood. Anger management, Collingwood, Collingwood Psychology Counselling, counseling, counselling, Counselling Collingwood Ontario, Counselling Psychology, Divorce, Divorce support, Emotional Eating, Family and Marital Counselling, Family and Marital Counselling; Stress Management, Men's Counselling, Men's issues, mind body, Personal psychology and counselling, Poem, Poetry, psychology, Psychology Counselling, Robert Service, separation support, Stress Management, Successful Weight Loss, suicide, Suicide prevention, The Quitter

Wayne Coghlan, B.Sc., M.A., D.C. M.A. in Counselling Psychology. Anger Management Collingwood. Anger management; Men's issues; Family and Marital Counselling; Stress Management; Personal psychology and counselling. As also a Doctor of Chiropractic I have a special appreciation of the mind-body connection.

The Quitter, Robert Service, Suicide

Wayne Coghlan, B.Sc., M.A., D.C. M.A. in Counselling Psychology. Anger Management Collingwood. Anger management; Men's issues; Family and Marital Counselling; Stress Management; Personal psychology and counselling. As also a Doctor of Chiropractic I have a special appreciation of the mind-body connection.

The Quitter

When you're lost in the Wild, and you're scared as a child, And Death looks you bang in the eye, And you're sore as a boil, it’s according to Hoyle To cock your revolver and . . . die. But the Code of a Man says: "Fight all you can," And self-dissolution is barred. In hunger and woe, oh, it’s easy to blow . . . It’s the hell-served-for-breakfast that’s hard. "You're sick of the game!" Well, now that’s a shame. You're young and you're brave and you're bright. "You've had a raw deal!" I know — but don't squeal, Buck up, do your damnedest, and fight. It’s the plugging away that will win you the day, So don't be a piker, old pard! Just draw on your grit, it’s so easy to quit. It’s the keeping-your chin-up that’s hard. It’s easy to cry that you're beaten — and die; It’s easy to crawfish and crawl; But to fight and to fight when hope’s out of sight — Why that’s the best game of them all! And though you come out of each grueling bout, All broken and battered and scarred, Just have one more try — it’s dead easy to die, It’s the keeping-on-living that’s hard. Rhymes of a Rolling Stones. Robert W. Service. Toronto: William Briggs, 1912; New York: Dodd Mead, 1912; London: Fisher Unwin, 1913.  My personal experience, having gone through difficult times when it was painful to even draw another breath, and the best I hoped for was to get through another five minutes let alone the day ... the thoughts of suicide ... to end the pain ... started to make sense. Now not enough that I started to make plans, but enough that it frightened me, and it provided some insight into how an otherwise rational person can start view suicide as a rational alternative.  This poem helped me understand that set-backs are hard, and yet they are temporary, and it seems I've never taken the easy way through anything. And it is the keeping-on-living that will win the game.  I would like to include others' experiences and insights in this blog.. we can learn from each other. Yet I won't use your story without your permission and all personal details will be protected.   Do you care to share your own thoughts about this poem, or your own experience and insights? You are welcome to email me at drwaynecoghlan@gmail.co. Supplementary links: Map Anger Management Collingwood The Awakening Take this quick anger test How your anger resentment grief greed turns you into a monkey Collingwood-chiropractor.com

Anger Management and Life Skills

Wayne Coghlan, B.Sc., M.A., D.C. M.A. in Counselling Psychology. Anger Management Collingwood. Anger management; Men's issues; Family and Marital Counselling; Stress Management; Personal psychology and counselling. As also a Doctor of Chiropractic I have a special appreciation of the mind-body connection.

Anger Management 101

For Individual, Couples & Group Counselling.

A psycho-educational format to develop understanding of toxic anger and skills toward effective personal anger management and life skills.

 

Overview of Anger Management

Most people attend an anger management program because their inability to better manage their anger has created conflict with life partners, family members, employment situations, and commonly enough, the law.

For many who attend anger management, it is perhaps a matter of not having learned the skills necessary to better cope with conflict. This program will help you learn more constructive thought patterns and skills.

For others, anger emerges from long-term conflicts and behaviour patterns. In many cases, these conflicts and behaviours are passed down in families from one generation to the next. These can be deep issues, and while it is necessary to learn and practice the skills of anger management, do consider seeing a counsellor or therapist to better help you identify, manage and resolve your hurts and conflicts.

If there are deeper conflicts a person may react with: anxiety/panic, avoidance, denial, dissociation, emotionally attacking another person, projection, transference.

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Some people have just become worn out with resentment, hostility, fighting within themselves, and fighting against the world.

For many people, the issue is dealing toxic people that you have to live and work with. The skills developed through this program will help you understand how other people’s anger affects you and how to more constructively interact with such people.

This program is also suitable for people who wish to enhance their life skills for career, and relationship (marriage) success.

The anger management program is a psycho-educational presentation and discussion format. The intent is to teach a better understanding of anger, and skills to more constructively manage this emotion.

Purpose of the Program

1        Learn to manage anger effectively.

2        Stop violence or the threat of violence.

3        Develop self-control over thoughts and actions.

The program is intended to be delivered over ten sessions generally a week apart. The best experience is through personal/individual participation. This allows more detailed discussion and counselling of personal issues and privacy. While group therapy can be very effective, there is limited discussion of personal issues and limited privacy.

Each session is approximately one hour to 90 minutes.

$20 to cover the cost of the workbook.

$60 per session for individuals or couples.

In group counselling $20 per person per session. There are no groups at this time. 

Short term counselling is also available.

This program has been accepted for court purposes. 

Please call 705 445-5401 or EMAIL drwaynecoghlan@gmail.com with your questions. 

 

Dr. Wayne Coghlan, Counselling Psychology

Anger Management

Anger Management

 
http://collingwoodcounsellingpsychology.blogspot.ca/

 211.ca Collingwood Connection

411.ca

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Counselling, counseling, anger management, Collingwood, psychology Collingwood Anger Management


Wayne Coghlan, B.Sc., M.A., D.C. M.A. in Counselling Psychology. Anger Management Collingwood. Anger management; Men's issues; Family and Marital Counselling; Stress Management; Personal psychology and counselling. As also a Doctor of Chiropractic I have a special appreciation of the mind-body connection.

https://maps.google.ca/

LinkedIn http://ca.linkedin.com/pub/dr-wayne-coghlan/19/413/127

The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog while visiting his counsellor for anger management in Collingwood, Ontario. The counsellor, Wayne Coghlan, did the best anger management and marriage counselling in Collingwood. Not only was he the best counsellor in Collingwood, but also the best at counselling in Collingwood. The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog while visiting his counsellor for anger management in Collingwood, Ontario. The counsellor, Wayne Coghlan, did the best anger management and marriage counselling in Collingwood. Not only was he the best counsellor in Collingwood, but also the best at counselling in Collingwood.  The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog while visiting his counsellor for anger management in Collingwood, Ontario. The counsellor, Wayne Coghlan, did the best anger management and marriage counselling in Collingwood. Not only was he the best counsellor in Collingwood, but also the best at counselling in Collingwood. The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog while visiting his counsellor for anger management in Collingwood, Ontario. The counsellor, Wayne Coghlan, did the best anger management and marriage counselling in Collingwood. Not only was he the best counsellor in Collingwood, but also the best at counselling in Collingwood. The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog while visiting his counsellor for anger management in Collingwood, Ontario. The counsellor, Wayne Coghlan, did the best anger management and marriage counselling in Collingwood. Not only was he the best counsellor in Collingwood, but also the best at counselling in Collingwood. The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog while visiting his counsellor for anger management in Collingwood, Ontario. The counsellor, Wayne Coghlan, did the best anger management and marriage counselling in Collingwood. Not only was he the best counsellor in Collingwood, but also the best at counselling in Collingwood. The quick brown fox jumped over the lazy dog while visiting his counsellor for anger management in Collingwood, Ontario. The counsellor, Wayne Coghlan, did the best anger management and marriage counselling in Collingwood. Not only was he the best counsellor in Collingwood, but also the best at counselling in Collingwood.

Anger Management Collingwood

Wayne Coghlan, B.Sc., M.A., D.C.

M.A. in Counselling Psychology.  Anger Management Collingwood. 

• Anger management.
• Personal, Family and Marital Counselling. 
• Stress Management
• Personal psychology and Counselling.

As also a Doctor of Chiropractic I have a special appreciation of the mind-body connection.

Anger Management 101

·     A psychological -educational approach to anger management.  Offered individually, for couples, families, or groups.

 This program has been accepted for court purposes.   

Topics covered include: 

• What is anger – how to make it useful – how to avoid toxic anger?
• Developing self control over your thoughts and actions. 
•  Alternatives to passive and aggressive anger.
•  Communication and conflict resolution skills.
•   How to get along better with yourself and others. 

Why you should attend:

• Your inability to manage your anger has created conflict in your significant relationships,             
• Your inability to manage your anger has created conflict in your employment. 
• Your inability to manage your anger has created conflict in your community. 
  
• Your inability to manage your anger has created conflict in your your success in life. 
• You seek skills to better cope with other people’s anger. 
• You are tired of being angry and bitter and fighting with the world.
• You seek life-skills to promote success in your relationships and employment. 

Presented by:

• Wayne Coghlan, B.Sc., M.A., D.C. drwaynecoghlan@gmail.com, 705 445-5401. 

Please feel free to call or email to drwaynecoghlan@gmail.com

211ontario.ca 

https://maps.google.ca/maps?q=counselling+psychology+collingwood&ie=UTF-8&ei=BfpSUruLLaT4yQHcgoHgBw&ved=0CAgQ_AUoAjgK

Anger management; Men's issues; Family and Marital Counselling; Stress Management; Personal psychology and counselling.Counseling,
Anger Management Collingwood. Anger management, Counselling Psychology, Family and Marital Counselling, Men's issues, mind body, Personal psychology and counselling, Stress Management, Counseling, Collingwood, Wasaga Beach, Ontario

Successful Weight Loss

Successful Weight Loss

I recall a study released some 25 years ago describing that people who attend weight management systems such as Herbal Life, and NutriSystem, and even Weight Watchers, and Calorie Counters … or take special meal replacement formulas and/or follow strict fasting and cleansing programs… etc… WILL lose weight ... provided they follow the program.

It’s mathematical and COMES DOWN TO THE LAWS OF THERMODYNAMICS ….  WHEN YOU HAVE FEWER CALORIES IN THAN ARE USED YOU WILL HAVE A NET WEIGHT LOSS.  … and no.. I’m not yelling… just trying to emphasize the point.

The problem with such methods is that eventually the person will go off the weight management program. And as they go off the program, in the order 95% of the people of regain or exceed the weight they lost.

And it seems reasonable that such programs diet systems and calorie counting can be helpful in giving one a head start… yet it still come down to each person taking personal responsibility to overcome their habits that lead to weight gain.

The problem it seems is that while on the program, the person neglects taking personal responsibility for their successful weight management and eventually return to their previous lifestyle including excessive calorie intake. 

And it doesn’t take much.

One hundred extra calories a day equals an increase of about a pound a month. That’s just one extra potato, or chocolate chip cookie, or even an extra helping of healthy food (Yes… even healthy food has calories).

The good news is that decreasing ones calorie balance by 100 or so a day leads to not gaining about a pound a month. AND THE FIRST STEP TO LOSING WEIGHT IS TO STOP GAINING WEIGHT. The next step, then, is to start losing weight...  in practicality a matter of minor adjustments that tip the scales, so to speak, into net weight loss...and into a weight management lifestyle.   

Eat less.. be more active. Or if you like, be more active… and eat less.  Park at the end of the lot … there’s a few dozen calories … eat a smaller piece of meat and do without the potato. Do you want to supersize that? No FREAKN WAY… in fact do without the fries and save a dollar or two as well as a few calories. The methods are as unlimited as you are.

It seems then that the people who are successful in reducing and keeping weight off are the people who decide that they are going to do whatever it takes to win the battle and take personal responsibility for their weight loss.

One of the major hurdles for people to lose weight is EMOTIONAL EATING.

Emotional eating is the practice of consuming large quantities of food -- usually "comfort" or junk foods -- in response to feelings instead of hunger. Experts estimate that 75% of overeating is caused by emotions.

Many of us learn that food can bring comfort, at least in the short-term. As a result, we often turn to food to heal emotional problems. Eating becomes a habit preventing us from learning skills that can effectively resolve our emotional distress.

Depression, boredom, loneliness, chronic anger, anxiety, frustration, stress, problems with interpersonal relationships and poor self-esteem can result in overeating and unwanted weight gain.

By identifying what triggers our emotional eating, we can substitute more appropriate techniques to manage our emotional problems and take food and weight gain out of the equation.

How to Identify Eating Triggers

http://www.medicinenet.com/emotional_eating/article.htm

Situations and emotions that trigger us to eat fall into five main categories.

Social. Eating when around other people. For example, excessive eating can result from being encouraged by others to eat; eating to fit in; arguing; or feelings of inadequacy around other people.

Emotional. Eating in response to boredom, stress, fatigue, tension, depression, anger, anxiety, or loneliness as a way to "fill the void."

Situational. Eating because the opportunity is there. For example, at a restaurant, seeing an advertisement for a particular food, passing by a bakery. Eating may also be associated with certain activities such as watching TV, going to the movies or a sporting event, etc.

Thoughts. Eating as a result of negative self-worth or making excuses for eating. For example, scolding oneself for looks or a lack of will power.

Physiological. Eating in response to physical cues. For example, increased hunger due to skipping meals or eating to cure headaches or other pain.

To identify what triggers excessive eating in you, keep a food diary that records what and when you eat as well as what stressors, thoughts, or emotions you identify as you eat. You should begin to identify patterns to your excessive eating fairly quickly.

>

Now please, I am not discussing situations where there is a genuine neuro-psychological disorder that compels a person to overeat and if the reader thinks this may be of concern, I suggest exploring one of the following links for further information. http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/14580/1/Common-Reasons-for-Overeating.html, http://www.rightdiagnosis.com/sym/overeating.htm, http://www.drhaber.com/AbPsychandHlth/EatingDisorders/EatDisorders1.html,

If this seems to be relevant to you, professional assessment is in order.

>

I’ll end this posting with an article from the Globe and Mail about how one person took responsibility for herself and her weight management.

Best wishes to you.

How I lost 50 pounds: No more yo-yo dieting for this emotional eater

Amberly McAteer, The Globe and Mail, www.theglobeandmail.com/life/health-and-fitness/health/how-i-lost-50-pounds-no-more-yo-yo-dieting-for-this-emotional-eater/article8893947/

Kit Flynn, 54, Ottawa

Pounds dropped: 50

My turning point: I was 50 pounds heavier, again. A chronic yo-yo dieter, I had dropped, then regained the same 50 pounds twice. I was on a horrible pattern of eating: If I had emotions, I fed them. I had survived a traumatic marriage and the death of my husband – for every pound he lost during his illness, I gained. At 5-foot-9, I grew to 210 pounds before finally ending the war with my weight in 2006. One day, I just made the decision to change my life, from the inside out. I was 47 years old and didn’t want to live with self-loathing and self-disgust for the rest of my life. I promised myself on that day that my emotions would no longer dictate the physical shape of my body

My method: I rejoined Weight Watchers and followed it – and this time I signed up to be a lifetime member. For me, being active and following an eating plan were both straightforward. My battle was all mental: Changing my thoughts and attitudes, now that was a huge challenge. If this was going to stick, I had to start to think differently about myself, my worthiness, my health, and my right to happiness. I began to practise new behaviour and adopted new thought processes.

I began by simply noticing the negative messages I told myself – things that I would never dream of saying to a friend, or to anyone else. For example, I would think, “You’ll never lose weight because you are weak. You will always be a yo-yo-er.” I began to stop allowing those thoughts to enter my head. What’s more, I chose not even to delve into any analysis about why I was thinking that way. I immediately stopped those negative ideas by envisioning a red stop sign. I then substituted the destructive thoughts with a constructive positive one such as: “I am losing weight and I can get to my goal weight and stay there for the rest of my life.” By repeating positive messages often, I eventually replaced the negative thoughts, which changed my weight gain/loss pattern.

My life is different now. I don’t have “big clothes” waiting for me in my closet. I fuel my body with high-quality, life-affirming food and, most important, I treat myself with the tenderness and care I treat all my loved ones.

My kryptonite: Dark chocolate, anything with caramel or butterscotch and a glass of red wine. I love my treats – and I deserve them! – in moderation, of course.

How We Get Trapped

How to Catch a Monkey

There is a story that says in Africa (and India), the natives use a technique to catch monkeys. They make a jar with a neck just wide enough for a monkeys hand to fit through, tie it to a tree, and put a peanut inside. The monkey comes along, smells the peanut, reaches in and grabs the morsel. But as the monkey tightens his hand around the nut, he makes a fist that is too wide to pull out of the jar. He's trapped. The natives come out of their hiding spot and even though the monkey is pulling with all its might, all the hunter has to do is put a bag over its head and its captured. Perhaps the monkey will be sold for research. Perhaps it will be dinner.

The interesting thing is that all the monkey had to do was to let go of the peanut in its hand, and it could have gone free. Yet it was so intent on holding onto to something it thought was so valuable. It gave up something far greater, its freedom.

What is the peanut in your hand that you are holding onto? It is some possession that owns you? It is some attitude that has come to define you? Is it some offense done to you that you “can’t” let go of? Motivational speakers use this story all the time to inspire people to "let go" of their old perceptions - since in truth, the monkey was never trapped. All he had to do was let go of the peanut to find its freedom.

Anger as a Habit

Anger as a Habitual Response

Not only is the expression of anger learned, but it can become a routine, familiar, and predictable response to a variety of situations. When anger is displayed frequently and aggressively, it can become a maladaptive habit because it results in negative consequences. Habits, by definition, are performed over and over again, without thinking. People with anger management problems often resort to aggressive displays of anger to solve their problems, without thinking about the negative consequences they may suffer or the debilitating effects it may have on the people around them.

This anger management program is an educational presentation and discussion format. The intent is to teach a better understanding of anger, and skills to better manage this emotion.

Most people attend anger management because their inability to better manage it and themselves has created conflict with life partners, family members, employment situations, and commonly enough, the law. Some people have just become worn out with fighting within themselves, and fighting against the world.

For many who attend anger management, it is perhaps a matter of not having learned the skills necessary to better cope with conflict. This program will help you learn more constructive thought patterns and skills.

 For others, anger emerges from long-term conflicts and behaviour patterns. In many cases, these conflicts and behaviours are passed down in a family from one generation to the next. These can be deep issues and while it is necessary to learn and practice the skills of anger management, do consider seeing a counsellor or therapist to help you identify, manage and resolve your hurts and conflicts. 

It is up to you to put what you will learn into practice.  If you want things to change, you have to change things. This always begins by changing yourself, that is, your attitudes, the demands you make of yourself and others, developing new skills, and your pattern of interacting with others.

Dating in 2013

10 Tips for Finding Love This Year

Dear reader... I am offering a post by Guest Contributor Michelle Jacoby. I will take liberty in offering my own comments for your comparison. The origninal post can be found at eharmony at http://advice.eharmony.com/about-you/10-tips-finding-love-year?cid=2091&aid=0810112 

In the spirit of the New Year and my passion, which is helping others find love, I’ve written resolutions especially for you. Now tape this list to your bathroom mirror, and go make love happen in 2012. You deserve it.

New Year's Resolutions To Find Love:

1. This is the year I am going to find love. I will put dating before my social life and my work. I will set aside at least two nights per week to date and will make it my number one priority. I won’t just talk the talk. I’m going to walk the walk.  I suggest a more balanced approach in consideration of work, and family, and social life, and a bit of solitude for personal maintenance. Nonetheless, I appreciate the bit about putting effort into something you want to see happen.

2. I will change my attitude about dating because there are great wo/men out there, and I will do what I need to do to meet them. We read that God cares for the sparrows... but He doesn't toss the seed into their nests now, does He?

3. Home is a 4-letter word! I will get off the couch and out of my house, even when I’m exhausted from work or would rather lounge around in sweats. I will go to singles events, meet-ups, happy hours and every single party I’m invited to. I need to my put energy into meeting someone because the odds are, it won’t just happen. I agree it rarely just happens when we live a closeted life. Singles go to singles' events because they want to meet other singles. So it seems a good idea to be open to such opportunities. However, you are more likely to meet interesting people when you do interesting things and work on being an interesting person first.

4. I will smile and chat with strangers – not just because I want to meet wo/men, but also because I want to share my positive energy with others. Everywhere I go, I will smile, chat and share myself with those around me. I will put down my cell phone, look up and make real connections. Make an effort to be interested in other people and value them for who they are. Everyone has their story.

5. I will tell all of my friends, family and co-workers that I am available and want to be fixed up. I will let them know that I appreciate every introduction, even if it doesn’t work out. Fixed up ... or would enjoy an opportunity to get to meet them. Maybe a matter of language... what do you think?

6. I will date online with a unique, positive, playful and sincere profile with excellent photos taken by a professional photographer. The best way to meet single wo/men is to date online, and I’m not going to miss the opportunity. On-line dating can be a convenient social outlet... and you never know where an introduction may come from. But ya gotta keep yer wits about ya!

7. I will burn my list. If I’m so smart and know what my ideal man looks like, then why haven’t I found him yet? I will let go of my “type” and will date a wider range of men. Maybe I’ll date a little older or a different race. I challenge the Universe to surprise me and know it will take care of me. I know a few women who have a list of what their potential partner won't be... but they don't seem to have an ideal of what he will be. Again, maybe a matter of language.... yet one view is more positive and empowering than restrictive. 

Personally, I found Mars and Venus on a Date to be a good guide for the dating perplexed. Gray discusses how to become more discerning in who you date without becoming limited.

8. I will be a great date. I will walk into my dates without expectations knowing that I might make a new friend. I will be warm, kind, positive, a great listener and will always be appreciative. I will smile, be upbeat and have fun on my dates. I will leave negativity and talk of past relationships at the door.  The only obligation on a date is to try and be a gracious companion for the duration. A date is an opportunity for two strangers to become better acquainted. If there is a connection, things will take their course from there. If there is no connection, then at least you have some entertainment for the evening and maybe made a new friend. And... you are just that much closer to finding the person you do have a connection with.

9. I won’t take anything personally. I know I’m fabulous, but not every wo/man will realize this. If someone isn’t interested in me, that’s not about me. That’s about what s/he’s looking for. The wo/man I’m going to fall in love with will think I’m amazing exactly as I am. S/He will be excited to date me and will show me consistently with his/her words and his/her actions. Ya know... if the goal of a date is to get to know someone better and enjoy an evening's adventure... then there is no such thing as a failed date.  Even if you are attracted to your date yet the feelings are not reciprocated, thank them for an enjoyable evening and with them well ... and send them on their way.

10. Even if I have a bad date or a bad night out, I will not get discouraged or give up! This is going to take commitment and hard work, but in the end, it will be worth it. I will keep my chin up and have a positive attitude because love is just around the corner. This is going to be the year that I find love because I am going to make it happen. I’m excited and say “thank you” in advance for the wonderful man who is about to enter my life. Self confidence and the ability take responsibility for your own happiness is a tremendously attractive quality.